Stupid Car Games for Adults

May 14

Let me start by saying that I hate car games.  They’re terrible, stupid, and you should never play them. Admittedly, I’m a bit biased from the unfortunate convergence of nearsightedness and slow reaction time in my youth which rendered me more or less the equivalent of one of those inflatable clown punching bags that can’t stay down during any game of “slug-bug.”  Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that car games are lame, bad, and painful (and did I mention, stupid?).  Honestly, you should move on to another article.

Still there?

Sigh.

Must be a boring day at work.

For those of you who are still reading, the following are car games immature adults can play when they absolutely can’t stand the silence of another hundred miles on the road with their passengers.

Would Ya’?

My friend Sammy plays this game when he rides in cars.  Actually, my friend Sammy plays this game when we are walking down the street, through a mall, on the beach, in a restaurant– pretty much wherever we are.  We can’t stop him from playing it.  We’ve tried, and he just gets moody (and flatulent, which really isn’t good for anyone).  I’m not really sure that this is a game as much as a plaintive expression of latent sexual frustration, but it goes like this.  You’re in a car with your friend.  You see a person of the opposite sex.  You point to said person and say “Would Ya’?”  You then give a “thumbs-up” or “thumbs-down.”  That’s it.  Stupid.  Pointless.  Juvenile.  But then again, if you are an adult playing a car game, perfect.

Is it Bigger than a Breadbox?

There’s an inappropriate segue that could be had there, but we’re more mature than that, right? Right.  This game is pretty much the same as 20-questions with the added disadvantage that it can go on forever as long as your car trip.  A person picks an item without telling the other person in the car about it. The other person asks “yes” or “no” questions to determine what the object is.  It’s a little more fun if you require the object to be something in your field of vision or an item that you passed by recently. For sanity’s sake, it also helps to make it something that’s remotely guessable.  (I once had a friend pick the letter “S” in a Sacramento sign we had just passed.  This took me six hours to guess, which is both sad and pathetic that we were playing this game that long…).

Never Have I Ever

This is sort of like “Truth or Dare.”  All the people in the car put out their hands.  Each person then takes turns making the statement “never have I ever something (such as never have I ever “skinny-dipped,”“been out of state,”“rode a llama” etc.).  If you happen to be a person who has done the activity mentioned, you put down one of your fingers.  The person who still has at least one finger up (no, not that one) when everyone else has put all their fingers down is the winner.

Editor’s note:  It is neither fair nor kind to play this game with people who are missing fingers or have a hook for a hand.  It’s also advisable to stay away from some things like “never have I ever cheated on my partner” unless you really want to know the truth.

Mix-Tape Match-Up

Does anyone even make “mix-tapes” or CD’s anymore?  I suppose a more modern version would be “iPod Match-Up,” but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.    This one works best if you have a group of people.  In this game, someone plays a song off their CD or iPod.  The first person in the group who is able to correctly identify the song or artist gets a point.  The winner is the first to get to some sort of predetermined score.  If you want to make it harder, and you’re a music buff, you can specify that people have to identify the year that the song was written.  Actually, this is the only car game that I grudgingly kinda like.

Road Kill Tally

Sorry PETA!  In this game each person tries to see how many flattened furry friends they can see before stopping for a rest.  Best if played with animal-lovers.

Additional editor’s note:  It is NOT fair for the driver to purposely run over an animal so that they can increase their own score.

 

Whew!  Now,wasn’t that fun?  I feel like I was on a road trip.  Don’t complain though! I told you not to read it!  Honestly, I think the best game to play on any road trip is “who can sleep the longest” (as long as you aren’t driving!).  I guess that’s probably why I’m not invited on many road trips…

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4 comments

  1. This is hilarious. My friends play an awesome game on the highway, slightly dangerous but oh well. We get level with a car in the next lane on the highway and then just stare at the driver, the winner is the person who guesses the right amount of time it will take the driver of the other car to react to us just staring at them. Whether it be a smile, weird look or even a turn of the head.

    Regards, Chris

  2. Thank you for this post. Eloquent and witty, I love it!

  3. I have a 4wd truck and I love going muddin, four whlieen, offroadin a lot. But I recently took my factory skid plate off because it was really beat up and old. So what’s the worst that could happen if you don’t have a lower engine cover when you go muddin?If you didn’t know. Your skid plate is the big plate of metal or sometimes plastic that covers up the bottom part of you engine.

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